Do you like receiving feedback? Or do you like giving it?
If the answer is no to either of those questions, you are not alone. Many people dislike or even fear feedback. And this is probably because people often encounter constructive, corrective feedback more frequently than positive, reinforcing feedback.
We have encountered many managers and leaders over the years who have said: ”If I’m not saying anything about their performance, they can correctly assume that all is going well”. Good leadership and indeed good followership involves letting people know about their performance regularly, in fact it needs to be part of the DNA of the workplace. Not just at appraisal or review time. We hear so many people surprised at appraisal time, saying “I had no idea they felt like that about me and my work”. This applies to the feedback they get regardless of whether it is good or bad.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Feedback, when done well, can be one of the most important tools for success in your career. Without it, you are flying blind; you don’t know how your actions and behaviours are perceived by others, or what the impact is – good OR bad. Because we need to give and receive much more positive feedback too.
Understanding the impact that you have
Understanding the impact you have and how you affect others is supremely important in your own learning and throughout your career. It doesn’t matter what stage of your career you are at or at what level you are, you can still learn through the feedback you receive. We learn just as much through the positive feedback that we get. We can have positive blind spots as well as not so positive blind spots.
Sometimes these natural strengths that we all have, are such a natural part of our behaviours that we don’t even know that we do it. So when someone points them out to us, not only does it help us to use them more, they can also help us with the areas we need to develop in. But if they are a strength blindspot you may not even know that they could help you with your development.
An example of positive/ strength blindspots
“When I was younger someone gave me feedback on how good they thought I was at selling. The person thought I was a great sales person because I always kept in touch with clients and that always led to more sales. I also followed up and suggested the next steps in the process. They said I was not only good at it but they had observed me in different situations and learned a great deal from me.
was very shocked to get the feedback, as personally I never saw myself as a sales person at all. They had observed me in some situations and asked me what I was thinking during these follow-ups with clients. That question really made me stop and think. As this was such a natural strength for me I really didn’t know how I did it. I was just not aware.
So I reflected on what I did and said “well, I just believe passionately that I have something that the client really needs and that they may not even know what they need so it is my role to help them work out the next steps in the process.” I was also genuinely interested and curious in “how” they were doing and what was currently making things easy for them and where they needed help, and support.
On reflection this made me realise how I was using my strength, which up until then had been a positive blindspot for me. The feedback has allowed me to use my strength to help me with a development area. When times were tough and I had to go into difficult situations with clients, I used my natural strength to help me. I simply used my passionate belief that I have something that will help them, which they don’t even know that they need. I also had my genuine desire to support them. This helps me when times are tough and I don’t want to go to that meeting!”
Let’s call it feedforward
In an effort to revive the whole concept and create a new way of looking at it, why don’t we call it feedforward! This is a better description of what feedback can do for you, it can feed you (or others) information that can move you/them forward, to more effective interactions and better results.
Why feedforward often doesn’t happen:
People don’t see the benefits of giving feedforward or the consequences of not
They’ve had bad experience with it
They don’t know how to do it (giving and/or receiving)
They don’t think they have the time to do it
They don’t think it’s their responsibility to give others feedforward
They are afraid of how the other person may react
“The two words ‘information’ and ‘communication’ are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through.”
Sydney J Harris
Why feedforward is so important
Everyone – yes we’ll stick out our necks here and say everyone – wants to do a good job, to meet or even exceed their goals, to deliver results. Feedforward is the tool that can help you assess whether you are behaving in such a way that you can deliver the best results possible. This means a balance of positive and constructive feedforward.
As the example above highlights, we all have blindspots. It’s very hard to really look at yourself completely objectively. In addition, unless you have the chance to see or hear yourself recorded, you don’t really see or hear what other people experience. You are also not aware of how you can affect the way they feel through your behaviours.
The best feedforward is objective and behavioural, it focuses on behaviours, which are often easier for others to see.
If someone can show us what we do well and what we can do better, we can repeat and multiply what we do well – and change what’s not working for us.
A client we recently worked with was blown away by the positive feedback he received in his 360 feedback process. Becoming aware of what others appreciated in him, lifted him and energised him to do more with all his strengths and capabilities. He just hadn’t realised quite how much he impacted other people in a good way. Up until then his impact had been accidental and now with his new awareness it can be intentional and even more consistent.
Feedforward is not just a “nice to have”. It is much more important than that. When feedforward is shared in a good way; constructively, supportingly, objectively and respectfully – it can make the other person really listen – and only when we really listen can we understand and experience the feedforward and start to see the benefits of it – what it can do for us.
Let us share another of our many personal and professional examples of feedforward to explain what we mean.
“One of the best experiences I’ve ever had with feedback, came from my manager some 20 years ago when I was relatively new as a leader. I thought I was quite a good communicator and took pride in my ability to express myself clearly. In a meeting with a senior person in the organisation, I posed some questions, challenging what he had said – in what I thought was an effective way, although I didn’t really get a great response. After the meeting, my manager came up to me and said: “I know you have a lot of good things to say and your questions are relevant, but whenever you challenge someone, your body language and your tone of voice become aggressive, and for that reason, people get defensive and don’t quite hear what you say – and you aren’t having the impact you could have, if you asked your questions another way. And I think it’s a shame, because as I said, you have a lot of good things to say and could contribute more.”
I was horrified! I had no idea that was how I was coming across.And at first I didn’t want to take it onboard – it couldn’t be true, surely!
And as the shock subsided, I realised that she had actually given me a great gift. She could just as easily not have said anything (it probably would have been easier) but she cared enough to tell me as it was, because she wanted me to grow, she wanted me to be able to be more, to do more. And I was grateful beyond words. If she hadn’t told me I might still have been putting people off, unaware of my impact.”
As this example shows, if you give honest, helpful feedback, focused on observed behaviours and the impact of these, which emanates from good intention and care for the other person, then feedback is incredibly useful. It becomes constructive feedforward.
Wayne Gretzky, as many of you know, is a legendary former Canadian ice-hockey player – some would even say he’s the best player ever. In fact, he is the highest point-scorer and has more assists that any other player in the history of the NHL (North America National Hockey League). And there is a lot we can learn from him, which is relevant to work and life overall.
In one of his many, many interviews, he was asked what made him such a good player, what it was that made him more successful than others.
His response was that so many players go to where the puck is, while he went where the puck was about to go. He had the ability to read the other players’ patterns, to understand what would happen next, where the game was going.
He was good at observing and noticing those patterns and to use that information to direct himself to where the puck was going, and then he would head on over there – before everyone else.
Everything in life is a pattern
Nature has patterns. Weather and seasons have patterns. Human beings have habitual patterns, in their thoughts, their feelings and their actions. We’re constantly surrounded by patterns.
The better we can become at noticing our own patterns (= self awareness) and those of others (= social awareness), the better results we can achieve. We can respond better to all situations, we can communicate better, create better relationships and lead better.
OUR OWN PATTERNS
Let’s look at self awareness first. If we can become aware of our own patterns, we can keep or even enhance them, or we can change them. If we are not getting the results we want and need, if our habits aren’t working for us, we can change them, and get better results.
We all get stuck at times, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Of course we need to do things differently to get different results.
Habitual and situational patterns aren’t always easy to break, but if we can just become aware of them, then we are well on they way to change.
And we can start creating new, more effective patterns, one step at a time. With intention.
OTHERS’ PATTERNS
Let’s look at social awareness next. If we can become aware of other people’s habits and situational patterns, we can start to predict some of what’s coming up, so we can approach situations in the best possible way.
An increasingly important EQ skill for leaders is to be able to observe and listen, to be curious enough about others and the world around us to understand them better. We can all become great observers.
Let’s take inspiration from the legendary Gretzky and become masters of patterns, not just seeing what’s happening right now but also what might happen next.
Let’s become good at seeing the bigger picture, how one thing leads to the next.
Want another Gretzky nugget of wisdom? Check out the quote below. It speaks for itself, but it’s likely a reminder that we can all benefit from at times.
What ‘shots’ have you avoided? What ‘shots’ will you take next? And what difference will that make?
Thank you all so much for all the wonderful messages of congratulations on our 20th anniversary! We are so lucky to know you.
Here are some of the messages we’ve had, together with snapshots from some of the many locations we’ve had the joy of working in since 2001. And some of the lovely people we’ve worked with.
We are in the middle of global pandemic where leaders are challenged and tested in a way never seen in our lifetime. How leaders respond, how they inspire hope and engage in collaborative dialogue or not, will become their legacy. Leadership matters more than ever. That’s a fact.
Through the summer, following lockdowns and recommendations all around the world to work from home, business and political leaders have been trying to figure out how to make the ‘new normal’ of being back at work will look like.
What we know for sure is that autumn 2020 brings a new way of working, a ‘new normal’ where some people are not expecting to be back in an office until 2021 or even later, while some people are slowly starting to go back now.
CHALLENGES
This brings a number of challenges for leaders to consider:
Some people worry about going back, because of the contagion risk
Some people wish they could go back, as they are finding it challenging (e.g. poor work environment) or lonely to work at home, or both
Some people have concerns about losing their jobs as a result of the economic downturn
The pandemic, in some instances, has caused mental health issues for people.
Having onsite team members and offsite team members, can create two disparate groups, where those offsite can feel particularly left outside the perceived ‘main circle’.
Keeping team trust high and not causing a divide and sub-groups or cliques
Keeping team energy and engagement high, while not assuming those in the room are engaged and those who are not are not
Moving from online to in person – does it feel different now?
SOLUTIONS
Here are some things to think about, solutions to deploy to make the return to the ‘new normal’ a success
Solution 1
Think about people first. Everything else can take second place.
Solution 2
Look to yourself. How you behave, how you show up will impact people around you. Take the time to center yourself, putting yourself in a good state of mind. Leadership is contagious so lead yourself first.
Solution 3
Focus on physical safety, including ensuring that people can work while still keeping the social distancing that is needed to reduce the risk of infection. Be very clear what those arrangements are, that everyone understands them and why they are important and need to be followed.
Solution 4
Make inclusivity your top focus during this time in particular. Include everyone equally, regardless of where they are based or any other differentiator. This is the time to show through actions and behaviours that you are serious about having an inclusive workplace, an inclusive culture where people connect and engage with each other and be creative together.
Solution 5
In a recent global poll, we asked leaders what their biggest leadership challenges during the pandemic is and the second biggest challenge came out as: Missing being with people and interpersonal aspects of that. Yes, people are social beings, so put extra effort into those interpersonal moments, especially for those who are still working remotely.
Solution 6
Involve your team in creating the practicalities of hybrid working; discuss and agree how to work together and how to support each other. Be proactive about it. Focus on output, not input. When you have people working remotely, you must trust them to deliver without micro-managing.
Solution 7
Create an environment of psychological safety. It’s always been important, but even more so now. The challenges are not over and everyone will need to be able to communicate and collaborate with each other, respectfully challenge each other in dialogue to identify issues and create solutions. And for people to want to do that, they need to feel safe to speak up, to share their thoughts, to try, fail and learn (fast) and move on. How you respond when people have the courage to speak their mind makes all the difference.
Solution 8
This can be a time for contention and potential conflict – Allow, encourage people to talk about their concerns, recognising that these disruptive times can be very stressful and that not everyone will react the same way. Just talking about a problem or concern, expressing how someone feels helps to ease said concern, it’s a good first step. And you can then support them in building strength and resilience to find the solutions they need. You need to make time and space for this in a virtual and office mixed world. So, ensure you have regular informal check in points.
Solution 9
Build and work on Team Trust. The team dinners, chats and water cooler conversations are harder in this mixed virtual/office world, so recreate that by doing things like having stand up meetings with people in the office together (safely socially distanced) and include those working virtually by linking them in using a form of technology. Get the office and virtual world mixed. Have some meetings that are ‘just’ social check-ins. As most of us have been working in the virtual world we are much more aware of the impact we have when on line so when we go back into a work space we now have a new perspective on it so people are likely more respectful and perceptive of those in the room and those on line than before.
Solution 10
Make sure you all have the digital tools that will allow you to collaborate and communicate across the hybrid (remote and office) workplace.
Solution 11
When working from home, the work and home life gets blurred. Help people overcome that by not sending emails around the clock. Be a role model for a healthy work/life integration.
Solution 12
To pick up on the office/work ‘vibe’ you will need to carry out and put into the calendar more informal 1 to 1 time to fill in the gaps and the void that the virtual /office mixed environment creates. Use the informal check-ins to pick up on how people feel, what they think and what they need.
Like with everything else, this ‘new normal’ will not just be plain sailing. And that’s OK. Be intentional in your leadership of it, allow enough time in your busy schedule to manage the ‘new normal’. It’s inevitable that you and your team will try things out (how to work) and realise that it didn’t turn out exactly the way you wanted it to. And keep in mind that the ‘new normal’ will keep changing. We don’t know what it will look like in a year’s time and beyond. The power lies in exploring that together and learning together. Your role is to lead your team through that.
No one can have all the answers, no one is an expert in this global pandemic. The power and the answers are in all of us, sharing and working on this together, and that needs to be led by a powerful leader.
As the world keeps evolving, we need to evolve too – we need to gain new knowledge, skills and experience continuously.
The pace of change is simply such, that we cannot possibly know it all. We need to be a ‘learn it all’ rather than a ‘know it all’. Curious, open-minded, keen to gain insights and discover surprises on our learning journey.
And if we have a mindset of always wanting to learn, it means we are more open to being creative and it forces us to look at things differently. This helps us to continue to be creative and to innovate. And when that happens at an organisational level, we have a culture of learning.
Thinking we know everything is outdated, how can we in a world that changes so fast? Data suggests that 50% of what is taught during the first year of a 4-year technical degree is outdated by year 3. This is a good reminder that even the most experienced of people have something they need to learn. Time doesn’t stand still for anyone.
So, continuously focus on what you need to learn. This gives you permission to not have to have all the answers and instead be interested in exploring new concepts and ideas. And encourage others to do the same.
In a world of constant change how could we possible have all the answers already? Even thinking we could have all the answers is an outdated concept. And that’s good.
The story below is a chapter from one of our future books, currently going under the working name of “The Culture Shaper”.
Alain always demanded attention, and today would be no different.
His suit carried a designer label, his shoes were shining and his trademark handkerchief was neatly on display in his jacket pocket.
Standing in a meeting room on the top floor of the Brighton hotel, his eyes were irresistibly drawn to the burnt-out shell of the West Pier. It had been considered one of the finest Victorian piers in the world until the suspicious fire some 10 years earlier had put a stop to that. All that was now left of the once grand pier, was a rusty metal frame which seemed to hover over the dark green sea, reflected grey from the sky. His gaze shifted to two people who sought shelter from the wind next to a round old-fashioned beach kiosk, long since closed for the season.
A red double decker bus made its way along the seafront and the noise of squeaky breaks travelled up the side of the building and into the room where he was standing.
Alain liked Brighton even though it was of course very different to Paris where he had lived for most of his life. He loved Paris. Brighton though, fascinated him in a different way. Maybe it was the sea, the ever-changing sea or maybe it was the mixture of cosmopolitan flair with a laidback lifestyle that intrigued him. Either way, he was pleased that he had chosen Brighton as the location for his meeting, a very important meeting. Today, he would for the first time have his new leadership team all in the same room.
He was shifting his weight, moving from foot to foot, impatiently awaiting the arrival of his team. Fear and excitement battled for space in his body; his shoulders were slightly raised, indicating the tension he felt but wouldn’t want anyone to see. They would all arrive soon so he rotated his shoulders to release the pressure, and regain control. He wanted to be prepared.
The door opened hesitantly as if the person the other side wasn’t sure if they had come to the right place. They had though; it was Stephen and Helmut. Helmut walked purposefully up to Alain and formally extended his hand in greeting. Stephen watched with interest as it felt strange to see his old boss in this new situation. Before he’d had time to add his hello, the door opened again. This time it was the remaining four team members. Stephen had met them all before but not in this new capacity as one of them, an equal, a peer. It made him self-conscious and he straightened his back to make himself as tall as possible. He wondered how the others were viewing him and if they thought he should be there. He had heard rumblings of skepticism to his appointment as Head of Sales. He didn’t want that to influence him but it was there in his mind all the same. They all greeted each other apart from Philippa who sat down without acknowledging him. Stephen thought of going over to shake her hand but decided not to.
Having completed the customary introductions, Alain took centre stage, sitting at the top of the table, and passionately started on the subject he had brought them there for.
“I know you all attended the Town Hall last week, where I already talked about the importance of culture. Our culture, just like any other company’s, is an indication of how we do business. And therefore it can either help us or hinder us, and I’m afraid that our culture has run away from us as we’ve paid very little attention to it. I want us all to focus on the culture of Black Sparrow Insurance. We can’t afford to leave it to chance. And frankly, the way it’s working now is not healthy. It has to change.”
He paused for effect and watched for reactions. His tall, slim frame made it easy for him to lean forward and quickly make eye contact with everyone.
“Yes, we did see your passion about the culture you want to create.“ Helmut made it sound as if it had nothing to do with him.
“It’s not about what I want, it’s about what we need for our survival” Alain responded firmly and held Helmut in his gaze. “Our industry is changing so fast that we need to have a strong culture that glues us together and guides our decisions and actions to be able to maneuver in the changing marketplace, without losing momentum”.
“What do you mean by “not healthy”? said Philippa, raising her head defiantly.
“Everyone’s working for themselves at the moment, you must see that!” Alain responded passionately. “And there are a number of reasons for that – growth in the industry and the regulatory pressures creates pockets and silos where people are simply focused at delivering their immediate targets rather than looking to the business as a whole. And we as leaders are guilty of not helping people see that we’re all in this together and that we can’t have different targets and goals. It’s wasting time, energy, effort and money. It’s absolutely crazy and it has to stop”.
The room was silent for a moment. The only sound was the rain splattering on the wall of windows facing the sea. The silence that followed felt too uncomfortable for Stephen. It felt like it was going on for minutes, but it was actually only seconds. He couldn’t let it go on any longer, so he spoke up:
“I can see where you’re coming from with this, Alain. I agree with you”
Philippa sighed and twisted her ponytail around her finger and shot a sideways glance at Helmut, who looked away.
What’s with the new boy, playing teacher’s favourite! What a weakling. I have no respect for that. She thought to herself. I’d better put him in his place. She tried to hide her smile: Let the games begin!
Philippa smiled at Alain and said: “I’m sure all companies can improve in some way, but all this talk about culture is very fluffy and vague. So what is culture anyway? What do you know about it?” She wagged her pen at Stephen. The question was clearly aimed at him.
“Well, my understanding is that culture is about how we do things day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute. It’s the little things that become the big things. For example, a friend of mine had a situation where he was in a one-to-one with his boss and his boss was texting someone else, which made him feel thoroughly ignored and not valued. Do we all pay full attention and give time to those important meetings or are we guilty of something similar? Because whatever we do, that’s a reflection of our culture.”
Alain nodded approvingly. “Yes, that is culture, isn’t it. And I have a very good example of why culture is so rarely the great driver it can be. I’ve been through this before and I know how it works, and more importantly why sometimes it doesn’t work.”
Alain shot up out of his chair and was already by the whiteboard, before they had even had time to move their heads his way.
He picked up a blue pen, visually checking that it wasn’t a permanent marker and then proceeded to resolutely put pen to board.
His writing was bold and the letters so big that the short message covered the whole board.
TOO MANY LAWS, TOO FEW EXAMPLES
“What do you think that means?” Alain asked them in a provoking way.
Alain was really pushing them now but they weren’t forthcoming with their responses, which made him annoyed. He had thought that the meaning of his written statement that was staring at them all from the board was so obvious, but this was clearly not the case. It was a good reminder for him that this wasn’t going to be as easy or straightforward as had thought it would be. The statement had been very poignant to him but he knew that he would have to be a bit more patient, starting with him explaining himself better and giving them the whole story.
“OK, let me explain what I mean. We could put more rules and regulations in place, but that rarely engages people. What really drives a culture is what the role models do – we need to be role models, we need to be the examples of the kind of culture we want everyone to embrace. So it’s not just about what we do, but how we do it. Culture is about behaviours. So you, just like me, need to become very aware of your own behaviours and the impact you are having on others.” He paused for effect.
“I’m going to be watching your leadership, and I want you to watch each other’s leadership. So as part of this journey, we’ll be going into a 360 degree feedback process for each of you individually as well as for your teams. Without it we are flying blind, and we must never be blind again”. It was a dramatic statement, just as Alain had intended it to be. He was consciously making an impact, as he wanted to shake them up a bit.
Helmut nodded slowly as he made the link between Alain’s written and spoken words.
In direct response to Alain’s speech, Philippa said: “Bring it on! This is exactly what we need”. She held her head high, exuding confidence and determination with her steady stare at Alain. Inwardly, her stomach was doing cartwheels as she was in no way looking forward to the prospect. Who knew what people were going to say about her?
“Good. I’m glad you’re taking this seriously. Now, let’s move on. What questions have you had from your departments after the Town Hall last week?” Alain continued to quiz them.
Various stories were now shared around the table, each of them taking turns to retell mainly positive responses to the culture discussion. They were gesturing, talking over each other and the room was getting decidedly animated in the process. Alain felt slightly encouraged by the heightened engagement; now they were looking directly at each other and he could feel the energy, the room felt warmer.
As they were now all talking, Stephen all of a sudden found his voice getting louder and louder, simply to be heard. He then became aware that they were all staring at him, the stage was his. Now I’ve got their attention, I need to make it count.
“If we now all agree that behaviours are that important, we need then consider that customer facing people are the biggest carriers of the culture. So my area, Sales, plays a part in this. But an even bigger role is played by the Customer Service group; they are crucial to how the culture is perceived over time. Right, Helmut?” Stephen hastily referred to Helmut as he had momentarily forgotten that Service was no longer his responsibility.
Helmut said “Yes” and his hand waved away the question with a sweeping movement.
Philippa leaned forward, ready to strike.
“Let’s not get carried away. Service is there to answer questions, but are fundamentally not more than scripted entry-level staff led by a junior leader” They’re muppets led by a mouse, but I can’t say that! “We shouldn’t exaggerate their importance. They are not more important than anyone else.”
Helmut chose not to comment, as he didn’t think he needed to defend his appointment of Anna. Instead, he confidently pushed back his chair and removed himself from the discussion and slowly walked to the back of the room, grabbing another bottle of water for the table.
Even though Stephen knew Helmut, he was still surprised by Helmut’s choice to not stand up for Anna.
Hm, how weird… I’ll take my lead from Helmut on this though, and not say anything thought Stephen. I don’t want to step on his toes.
Philippa mused at the lack of response and thought 1-0 to me!
This story gives a glimpse into how business cultures work, and how much cultures are shaped by the daily behaviours of people.
Alain is clearly keen to shape a greater culture, but he has got his work cut out for him as habits die hard, and cultural transformation does not happen overnight. But it can be done and it’s so worth it.
Want to know more about cultural transformation? Read one of our articles about it here.
And please get in touch below if you want tofurther explore how you can shape a powerful, healthy, productive culture at work.
